A circus is probably the most fitting description of Phuket I’ve heard. To make things more mental we were staying in a self-confessed party hostel and, on the day of arrival, the Manchester derby was mere hours away.
As we arrived at Vibes Hostel, following a flight and hour-long mini bus ride from the airport, the shots immediately poured down our throat signalled what was to come. Some geezer sporting a top-knot wasted no time in pestering us into signing up for a boozy bucket deal.
Four of us were given a room upstairs to ourselves; which fortunately was one with air-con, but unfortunately offered no privacy to the toilet-shower combo courtesy of a broken saloon door. After a quick public shower, we headed back downstairs to the beckoning call of banging techno.
In our naivety we did succumb to one of the bucket deals – 1000 baht (£24.78) for three buckets, two shots and breakfast the following afternoon. It’s safe to say that the place was very insistent on you having a good time, with undertones that you keep spending money. The international reps didn’t seem to grasp the important of City vs United to eight Mancunians, as they repeatedly tried to push us on a bar crawl. Fortunately there was a Cockney who did.
As we arrived at Vibes Hostel, following a flight and hour-long mini bus ride from the airport, the shots immediately poured down our throat signalled what was to come. Some geezer sporting a top-knot wasted no time in pestering us into signing up for a boozy bucket deal.
Four of us were given a room upstairs to ourselves; which fortunately was one with air-con, but unfortunately offered no privacy to the toilet-shower combo courtesy of a broken saloon door. After a quick public shower, we headed back downstairs to the beckoning call of banging techno.
In our naivety we did succumb to one of the bucket deals – 1000 baht (£24.78) for three buckets, two shots and breakfast the following afternoon. It’s safe to say that the place was very insistent on you having a good time, with undertones that you keep spending money. The international reps didn’t seem to grasp the important of City vs United to eight Mancunians, as they repeatedly tried to push us on a bar crawl. Fortunately there was a Cockney who did.
After a few drinking games and chats with other guests, we left the organised fun and headed out to watch the match; with a Russian girl in tow who was fascinated by English football culture. We were shown a detour through a sketchy shanty town, with chickens running amok and a ladder to climb at the end – but soon we were on Bangla Road.
Soi Bangla is akin to many walking streets in South East Asia; a mash of lights and sounds, promo staff trying to entice you into bars, nightclubs or seedier establishments, and throngs of people milling about in between them. At the end of the strip lies Patong beach, where many people finish their night.
Soi Bangla is akin to many walking streets in South East Asia; a mash of lights and sounds, promo staff trying to entice you into bars, nightclubs or seedier establishments, and throngs of people milling about in between them. At the end of the strip lies Patong beach, where many people finish their night.
Dodging through various solicitations we eventually found somewhere showing the match with seats available and without girls stood on the bar. Despite an inevitable mixture excitement and nerves, City were generally comfortable throughout; although I must admit I was filled with dread for 28 minutes at 2-1.
When Ilkay Gundogan scored to make it 3-1 I jumped up and rang a bell in celebration. Big mistake. Bar maids immediately swarmed in and pointed to a footnote on the menu: 2000 baht (£49.54) cost for ringing the bell. Apparently the bell is to signal you’re buying the whole bar a drink. Luckily the staff were soon distracted by some other boisterous celebration and I was able to sneak away at the full time whistle without incurring a fine.
When Ilkay Gundogan scored to make it 3-1 I jumped up and rang a bell in celebration. Big mistake. Bar maids immediately swarmed in and pointed to a footnote on the menu: 2000 baht (£49.54) cost for ringing the bell. Apparently the bell is to signal you’re buying the whole bar a drink. Luckily the staff were soon distracted by some other boisterous celebration and I was able to sneak away at the full time whistle without incurring a fine.
Our final stop of the evening was Backpacker Bar, where we reunited with others from Vibes and several travellers who also hailed from Tameside. It seems we weren’t the only ones trying to escape.
I got incredibly lost trying to find my way back to hostel but after plenty of 'massage' solicitations and a consolatory Maccies, I finally found my bearings and the dodgy ladder leading to the hostel. It wasn't long until another friend returned with news that a second phone had been claimed by Asia, after being left with a scorned moped driver.
Our bucket deal breakfast, a full English, reflected the average quality of food served at the hostel, yet it did a sound enough job of absorbing the contents my stomach. The day brought our first chance to make the most of a pool, volleyball and some much needed sunbathing with a vitamin D detox.
You can’t really do a full day of wholesome relaxing at Vibes though and regular encouragement by hotel staff meant we were kept merry, in preparation for another evening pub crawl. It certainly lived up to the party hostel; before we even set off one friend had got too drunk, losing an eyebrow and a chunk of his hair amidst the escapades. He retaliated by pushing another friend in the pool – with a phone in his pocket. And so a third device ceased to exist.
I got incredibly lost trying to find my way back to hostel but after plenty of 'massage' solicitations and a consolatory Maccies, I finally found my bearings and the dodgy ladder leading to the hostel. It wasn't long until another friend returned with news that a second phone had been claimed by Asia, after being left with a scorned moped driver.
Our bucket deal breakfast, a full English, reflected the average quality of food served at the hostel, yet it did a sound enough job of absorbing the contents my stomach. The day brought our first chance to make the most of a pool, volleyball and some much needed sunbathing with a vitamin D detox.
You can’t really do a full day of wholesome relaxing at Vibes though and regular encouragement by hotel staff meant we were kept merry, in preparation for another evening pub crawl. It certainly lived up to the party hostel; before we even set off one friend had got too drunk, losing an eyebrow and a chunk of his hair amidst the escapades. He retaliated by pushing another friend in the pool – with a phone in his pocket. And so a third device ceased to exist.
Out on Bangla Road again, without the focus of football, unwanted attention seemed easier to find. The strip isn’t half as busy as Khaosan Road making it easier for ping pong show touts or ladyboys, who are in abundance, to target you. The latter don’t waste any time on introductions, linking your arm as you’re walking in an attempt to steer you off to one destination or another.
They weren’t the cause of that evening’s main event though. Fresh from his pool pushing, wasted friend decided he hadn’t caused enough grief and rugby tackled me through a promo sign outside Backpacker Bar – which signalled the end of our night. After a brief hostage situation, the bar staff allowed us to leave on the proviso we met in the morning to discuss payment.
Sure enough the bar manager, who was actually incredibly friendly, greeted us by the pool at our hostel. It turns out one of those signs costs 1,500 baht (£36.69) to replace. Said manager regaled us with similar stories that ‘happen all the time’, while drunken friend obliged the payment after accepting culpability.
Even without the risk of fines Phuket is more expensive than many Thai resorts, so the day demanded a change of pace. There are lots of lovely beaches in the area, but for convenience we wandered to Patong beach. This was where I first noticed the epidemic of crowds taking selfies and new social media cover photos. Vanity aside, sun, sea and a watermelon shake was the perfect rest and recuperation.
They weren’t the cause of that evening’s main event though. Fresh from his pool pushing, wasted friend decided he hadn’t caused enough grief and rugby tackled me through a promo sign outside Backpacker Bar – which signalled the end of our night. After a brief hostage situation, the bar staff allowed us to leave on the proviso we met in the morning to discuss payment.
Sure enough the bar manager, who was actually incredibly friendly, greeted us by the pool at our hostel. It turns out one of those signs costs 1,500 baht (£36.69) to replace. Said manager regaled us with similar stories that ‘happen all the time’, while drunken friend obliged the payment after accepting culpability.
Even without the risk of fines Phuket is more expensive than many Thai resorts, so the day demanded a change of pace. There are lots of lovely beaches in the area, but for convenience we wandered to Patong beach. This was where I first noticed the epidemic of crowds taking selfies and new social media cover photos. Vanity aside, sun, sea and a watermelon shake was the perfect rest and recuperation.
Later we scouted out a nice restaurant to try some fresh seafood; prawns in a phanang paste, which is a delicious, nutty red curry variant. As satisfying as it was, it was rude not to order chicken and cashew nuts as well.
After some heavy nights we were set on booking a boat out of there for the next morning. Of course we couldn’t do that without some form of farewell to the others we met at the hostel, so it was one last spin on Soi Bangla. Most of us took it steady and I narrowly missed out on recovering some expenditure in a big game of killer pool.
The night had gone without incident until two friends were accosted to receive sex acts by a local bloke carrying his groceries, after he saw them urinating in an alley. It’s safe to say that antics are seemingly impossible to escape.
All it all it was a very fun, albeit unrefined experience, but we were more than ready for our next stop of the Phi Phi islands. I did discover later there are lots of far more civil and scenic places to stay in the Phuket area, so I would recommend seeking those out if you’re not feeling the sordid circus of Patong.
After some heavy nights we were set on booking a boat out of there for the next morning. Of course we couldn’t do that without some form of farewell to the others we met at the hostel, so it was one last spin on Soi Bangla. Most of us took it steady and I narrowly missed out on recovering some expenditure in a big game of killer pool.
The night had gone without incident until two friends were accosted to receive sex acts by a local bloke carrying his groceries, after he saw them urinating in an alley. It’s safe to say that antics are seemingly impossible to escape.
All it all it was a very fun, albeit unrefined experience, but we were more than ready for our next stop of the Phi Phi islands. I did discover later there are lots of far more civil and scenic places to stay in the Phuket area, so I would recommend seeking those out if you’re not feeling the sordid circus of Patong.