As the promo truck circled us for seemingly the hundredth time, I vowed I’d never to pay to see a Muay Thai superfight in sheer protest. To say Ko Samui is the second largest Thai island, we were never far from this irritating van blasting out rock music and announcing another 9pm international battle royale or bare knuckle fight.
We didn’t find much tranquillity with our choice of accommodation in At (@) Hostel either. Based in the Chaweng region of the island, a plane roared precariously close overhead every hour without fail.
Still, it was dirt cheap, clean and comfortable enough for a couple of days. There was also a pool, though it only got a slither of sun if you woke up early enough. Even with the ice cold plunge, it was enjoyable to spend our days swimming and lounging in the shoe horn-shaped poolside seats. So swings and roundabouts.
We didn’t find much tranquillity with our choice of accommodation in At (@) Hostel either. Based in the Chaweng region of the island, a plane roared precariously close overhead every hour without fail.
Still, it was dirt cheap, clean and comfortable enough for a couple of days. There was also a pool, though it only got a slither of sun if you woke up early enough. Even with the ice cold plunge, it was enjoyable to spend our days swimming and lounging in the shoe horn-shaped poolside seats. So swings and roundabouts.
Once the pool was fully shaded, two of us headed for a wander along Chaweng Beach. The tide had intruded on most of it, but that didn’t deter a large group of Thais from battling away in a volleyball tournament. This was serious business, with kits and everything. I don’t know how they do it in that kind of humidity.
Back to the strip, and after a short walk along Chaweng Beach Road, we came across a giant Christmas tree outside Central Festival Mall. With the heat and lack of German markets, it was easy to forget we were entering December.
Back to the strip, and after a short walk along Chaweng Beach Road, we came across a giant Christmas tree outside Central Festival Mall. With the heat and lack of German markets, it was easy to forget we were entering December.
This mall had all the mainstream shops of the UK and US, but with a strange pet shop-turned-performing show in the foyer. The sweltering temperature left most of the dogs, cats, pigs, rabbits, foxes and a raccoon in a sleepy, subdued state. The giant python wasn’t too perturbed by the heat, but probably didn’t appreciate being passed to paying tourists for selfies.
It was sad to see these animals being exploited, lying so docile, in such cramped conditions. I felt quite guilty as a tourist, especially when you consider that this kind of thing is pretty common in Asia. Most of them were actually for sale, so one can only hope at least some were sold quickly to loving and more appropriate homes.
It was sad to see these animals being exploited, lying so docile, in such cramped conditions. I felt quite guilty as a tourist, especially when you consider that this kind of thing is pretty common in Asia. Most of them were actually for sale, so one can only hope at least some were sold quickly to loving and more appropriate homes.
Afterwards we went to see different kinds of fantastic beasts, this time on the silver screen. By that I mean the sequel of the namesake Harry Potter spin off. It was just 160 baht (£3.87) to watch it in IMAX quality and I have to say the film’s special effects were impressive - worth a watch. The cinema was grand too.
We ended up in and around this mall for lunch every day, courtesy of the food court or a giant market which sold great sushi and fresh salad boxes. They weren’t cheap but made a nice change from our predominant diet of fried rice and booze buckets.
The western influence in this part of the Koh Samui is rife and you can also find all your token fast food giants here, along with a Hooters and Hard Rock Cafe. We succumbed to the lure of KFC (having ticked off the other major chains so far in Thailand); which was very reasonably priced, even if the quality isn’t quite what it is back home.
While we hadn’t planned the most authentic or adventurous activities for our stay on the island, it seemed an ideal time to get my first ever Thai massage. Three of us chose of respectable looking place with spa in the name, where there didn’t seem to be a risk of being offered a ‘happy ending’.
We ended up in and around this mall for lunch every day, courtesy of the food court or a giant market which sold great sushi and fresh salad boxes. They weren’t cheap but made a nice change from our predominant diet of fried rice and booze buckets.
The western influence in this part of the Koh Samui is rife and you can also find all your token fast food giants here, along with a Hooters and Hard Rock Cafe. We succumbed to the lure of KFC (having ticked off the other major chains so far in Thailand); which was very reasonably priced, even if the quality isn’t quite what it is back home.
While we hadn’t planned the most authentic or adventurous activities for our stay on the island, it seemed an ideal time to get my first ever Thai massage. Three of us chose of respectable looking place with spa in the name, where there didn’t seem to be a risk of being offered a ‘happy ending’.
Even without the seediness, it seemed weird to be getting massaged with just a curtain separating me and several other customers. I opted for a 30 minute, shoulders and back, tiger balm package; which was more than reasonable at 200 baht (£4.79).
It started out relaxing then towards the end I was morphed into many pretzel poses, causing my joints to click and pop - much to the amusement of the masseuse. I’m not sure I’d have enjoyed any longer, but I did leave feeling fresher and more limber than ever.
For evening meals we were almost spoilt for choice in the immediate vicinity of our hostel. Along Chaweng Beach Road there’s a night market and plenty of restaurants offering grilled seafood, with fish tanks and barbeques lining the front. We got seated in one of the busier ones and I tucked into some tasty crab fried rice.
A bit further down the road is a place called Noori India, which swayed us in one night with the promise of a two-person set menu for just 550 baht (£13.38). The curries didn’t set the world alight, but the samosas and other extras were pretty good and deceivingly filling. Worth it for £6.59 a head.
It started out relaxing then towards the end I was morphed into many pretzel poses, causing my joints to click and pop - much to the amusement of the masseuse. I’m not sure I’d have enjoyed any longer, but I did leave feeling fresher and more limber than ever.
For evening meals we were almost spoilt for choice in the immediate vicinity of our hostel. Along Chaweng Beach Road there’s a night market and plenty of restaurants offering grilled seafood, with fish tanks and barbeques lining the front. We got seated in one of the busier ones and I tucked into some tasty crab fried rice.
A bit further down the road is a place called Noori India, which swayed us in one night with the promise of a two-person set menu for just 550 baht (£13.38). The curries didn’t set the world alight, but the samosas and other extras were pretty good and deceivingly filling. Worth it for £6.59 a head.
The problem with all these restaurants is that your meal is frequently interrupted by the pesky Muay Thai promotional vans on their never-ending circuit. Watching a bare knuckle fight in an arena does sound enticing after a few drinks. But the nuisance of hearing these bellowed messages, over a soundtrack of Rammstein, Survivor or Metallica, meant there was no way we were going on principle.
Away from fighting, there’s lots of the standard island entertainment you might have read about in my other write ups. The stars of a ladboy cabaret near our hostel tried persistently to get us inside, grabbing at any of our body parts they could, but in vein. No one fancied the risk of being singled out and humiliated on stage.
Coincidentally some friends from the UK were on the island at the exact time as us, so a reunion was all the entertainment we’d need for the evening.
Away from fighting, there’s lots of the standard island entertainment you might have read about in my other write ups. The stars of a ladboy cabaret near our hostel tried persistently to get us inside, grabbing at any of our body parts they could, but in vein. No one fancied the risk of being singled out and humiliated on stage.
Coincidentally some friends from the UK were on the island at the exact time as us, so a reunion was all the entertainment we’d need for the evening.
One of the group bought ingredients from a local shop (ironically named Family Mart) and created one of the most ruthless concoctions of all time. The ‘Headfucker ‘(HF) is a blend of Hong Thong whiskey, M150 (a red bull syrup imitation), Smirnoff Electric Berry and fizzy Schweppes lime. After a glass or two of this monstrosity, we’d move on (swiftly) to the beach.
The nearest entrance to Chaweng beach is managed by one of the bars in the evening, with a guard to make sure no one takes any reasonably priced beers in the vicinity. Our intention was to head to the quiet part, and eventually we managed to plead and smuggle our way past.
Further along we found a reggae bar with plenty of deck chairs and a volume suitable for chatting. This would also form the scene of an organised wrestle on another evening, but enough about that.
From the beach we routinely went back to a narrow street close to our hostel, lined with dance floors playing RnB, an American-themed sports bar, a Russian strip club and a giant club at the end called The Green Mango.
After a few pit stops in the more savoury clubs we’d find ourselves in Green Mango, which always seemed to be playing Premier League highlights from a fortnight earlier on multiple screens. The games were more background ambience though as the standard thudding tunes caused the place to get rammed, with a big stage that people were free to dance on.
On one of the nights, fuelled up on HF, two friends wasted no time making the stage their own. As the other punters gradually left them to it, they treated us to the most hilarious rendition of Gangham Style I’ve ever seen.
The nearest entrance to Chaweng beach is managed by one of the bars in the evening, with a guard to make sure no one takes any reasonably priced beers in the vicinity. Our intention was to head to the quiet part, and eventually we managed to plead and smuggle our way past.
Further along we found a reggae bar with plenty of deck chairs and a volume suitable for chatting. This would also form the scene of an organised wrestle on another evening, but enough about that.
From the beach we routinely went back to a narrow street close to our hostel, lined with dance floors playing RnB, an American-themed sports bar, a Russian strip club and a giant club at the end called The Green Mango.
After a few pit stops in the more savoury clubs we’d find ourselves in Green Mango, which always seemed to be playing Premier League highlights from a fortnight earlier on multiple screens. The games were more background ambience though as the standard thudding tunes caused the place to get rammed, with a big stage that people were free to dance on.
On one of the nights, fuelled up on HF, two friends wasted no time making the stage their own. As the other punters gradually left them to it, they treated us to the most hilarious rendition of Gangham Style I’ve ever seen.
Generally the atmosphere would stay friendly and comical, with the exception of an Irish girl trying to leather everyone – particularly one poor bloke who got in her way. It was costly though, with bottles of beers pushing 150 baht (£3.73) a pop.
With the expense and a monster journey to Cambodia the following day, we kept our last night on the lower end of the Richter scale. While there was lots of stuff we didn’t explore, it did feel good to do a few things that reminded me of home – with still plenty of time for adventures.
We bid our friends goodbye and though it was a shame to be leaving them, at least we’d be away from the passing jet engines and Muay Thai racket. Hopefully Siem Reap, our next stop, would offer a more tranquil environment.
With the expense and a monster journey to Cambodia the following day, we kept our last night on the lower end of the Richter scale. While there was lots of stuff we didn’t explore, it did feel good to do a few things that reminded me of home – with still plenty of time for adventures.
We bid our friends goodbye and though it was a shame to be leaving them, at least we’d be away from the passing jet engines and Muay Thai racket. Hopefully Siem Reap, our next stop, would offer a more tranquil environment.